Excluding that latest post (considering that it's the same day that I posted, though you [people reading this] can't tell because I haven't yet got the date and time and title up yet...once more showing off my uncanny ability to be hopeless at this blogging... but I digress) I haven't updated in over a week.

Yes, I know that you can count. :D

It's been a pretty hectic week, to say the least. Not as hectic as others, though, I deem.

It's also been a self-centered week. All this whinging, complaining about the workload, stressing over the workload, some other personal stuff...

Stupid things like feeling like yanking out the teacher's hair and screaming the whole bloody house down just because I just remembered that I have a lot more work than I thought I did and it was supposed to be a pretty lax weekend...somewhat annyway.

Feeling lost, ina void, in turmoil... pretty much yanking out my life and soul and doing star jumps on it, trampling it over and yelling, 'TAKE IT! TAKE IT!! I'm shit anyway!' Very much wandering in an abyss... I would add, MY own abyss.

Yes, all because of schoolwork and some other stuff, I feel like I'm not living, simply living a dream, watching me as I type this.

Then it hits you in the face how selfish you're (I'm) being. While there are people out there in the world, cant think right now, my brain isn't working, suffering so bad... we're in our nice comfortable homes, typing away, eating.

And I remembered watching 'Hotel Rwanda', about the Tutsis and Hutus, killing each other. Dead bodies strewn about, even little kiddies barely born. And the UN, they only helped the foreigners at the beginning, beacuse every country was so selfish that they only saved their own. And there was one line that I hit me like Zeus' thunderbolt on Apollo's son. (CAn't remember his name...) The news reporter said (on the news program showing all the bloodshed) 'People watching this are just going to say, oh that's terrible, and then continue eating their dinner.'

And that is exactly what I do. No, I do even worse. I begin to complain that I have so much work to do.

You get the people dying, desperately hoping and praying for salvation and countries away, you get people who see it as their life's mission to ensure that everyone stands with their feet apart and hands behind their back during assembly and the like.

I feel so sick and disgusted with myself. Because you know what? Even after knowing how selfish I am, I'm probably not going to do anything about it. Even though I'll start off all oh yeah, going to help people and stuff... my stupid selfish whims get in the way. Or my plain laziness. That's what I do for almost everything... big words... little action. So pathetic.

My tuition teacher told me about this boy shes knows who has luekemia. 3-4 years ago he recieved a bone marrow from another boy. And one thinks, ohh yeah all problems solved then. But no. Recently, it resurfaced. Out of the blue, like. Imagine one day you're come back from playing footy with the other guys, you sit down to your homework; with the tv on at one corner. Your friend rings, you talk, you laugh, life's good. Then you find out that your leukemia, which you thought gone, has come back again; no reasons or explanations given. Suddenly all your problems on school; the fact that you need a haircut quick otherwise you'll be booked, thinking of ways to skip hated lessons bla bla bla... they're really nothing in the face of death.

Can you imagine walking in to the hospital and the good ol doc tells you that you have no hope of survival. You, just 13 years old, your whole life ahead of you... heck, you haven't even decided what to eat for dinner tonight!

If you pray, please pray for him. Pray for everyone sick and ill in this world; dying and healing. Pray for those who have no hope, or hold on to a tiny shred of hope barely exsisting. Pray for your friends and your family. You can be mean as cat's piss, or you can can be a person.

~fin~